


The First Words

by alphaofallcats



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ADHD, Alive Kuchel Ackerman, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, American Sign Language, Art Student Eren Yeager, Bullying, Character's Name Spelled as Farlan, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Deaf Character, Deaf Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dyslexia, Eren Yeager Wears Glasses, Eren has a cat, F/M, Footnotes, Good Uncle Kenny Ackerman, Happy Ending, Hugs, I AM SORRY, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It's just kind of mentioned, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has OCD, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, because i have no self control and no one is here to stop me, it's only mentioned, lots of hugs, mentions of gambling, no graphic details, not really - Freeform, oh god the footnotes, the plot demands it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 12:39:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14472957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphaofallcats/pseuds/alphaofallcats
Summary: The first words your soulmate says to you, upon initially meeting, are inked on your wrist. It's a cool thing for the world, except Levi is deaf. Minor complications ensue.





	The First Words

**Author's Note:**

> written for the tumblr prompt meme: _Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck._ submitted by the amazing babe [The Ordinariest](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOrdinariest/pseuds/TheOrdinariest)
> 
> I will say the obligatory "I'm sorry for the footnotes" but I don't really mean it. (I really love footnotes. They're fun.) You should be able to click the numbers to jump back and forth between the footnotes and where you left off in the text. Hopefully they work. If not, then I do truly mean it when I say I'm sorry.
> 
> Side Note: _"The quoted italics means the person is signing."_

When Levi turned seventeen, words marked the inside of his forearm. He watched as they slowly inked his skin, appearing like smooth strokes painted by a calligraphy brush, except each letter wasn’t as nice as the fancy script people wrote on birthday cards and those in-fashion planners. The handwriting was messy, the kind of messy that looked like someone was rushing to finish the last few questions on an exam before the teacher collected it. Levi wasn’t upset with the scrawl, even if it was an eyesore to look at. 

They were sitting around the kitchen table, Kenny slowly smoking a cigarette while he and his mom were sharing a cup of hot chocolate. Kenny had to work on Christmas, so they swapped presents earlier in the evening and ate McDonalds –– his birthday was the only occasion Kuchel could justify spending money on fast food, so it was a treat every year — and had decided to stay up, to wish Levi a happy birthday and see what appeared on his wrist. 

_“What does it say?”_ Kuchel asked, the excitement clear in her eyes when he pulled up the sleeve of his shirt as the clock ticked on to midnight. 

A tense anxiety bubbled in his chest, his stomach twisting in knots because this had to be wrong, it had to be a mistake. His eyes flicked back and forth between his mom and uncle before he squinted at the words again. 

**hey can you read this to me**

He looked up at her. _“Hey, can you read this to me?”_

 _“Is the handwriting that bad? Let me see,”_ she said, motioning him to reach his arm out.

 _“No.”_ He pulled his sleeve back down, hoping he could forget the words, ignore them, but they were already imprinted into his mind; he could picture them clearly without needing to look. 

Kenny blew out a puff of smoke, and Levi could see him snicker. “Is it embarrassing then? Something dirty?”

“Of course you’d think they’re vulgar,” Kuchel said, sending him a glare. _“Don’t worry. Whatever it says, you can tell us.”_

Swallowing thickly, Levi avoided looking at them as he signed, _“That’s what it says: hey, can you read this to me.”_

\----

Years of friendship taught Farlan how to speak slow enough, without being too slow, so that Levi could read his lips. Farlan wasn’t good with words either. That’s why he became friends with Levi in the first place.[1]

“Aren’t there people who learn how to talk even though they’re deaf?”

Izzy, however, wasn’t like Farlan. She used a wild combination of signing and speaking when she was trying to say what was on her mind before the thought escaped her.[2]

 _"We could totally help you learn!”_ She smiled, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I wonder what he’s like. _I hope he’s cute_ , that would suck if he’s ugly.”

_“He? We don’t know if he’s a guy.”_

Simultaneously, they both gave him a pointed look.

_“Fine. Okay. I hope he’s cute too.”_

\----

Because Levi refused to go to a specialized school, he had to accommodate himself to public school, which, for the most part, he didn’t mind really. There were a few perks. 

His interpreter, a stoic woman with short hair and round glasses, Rico, was cool. She stood with him during presentations, translating to the class, with, according to Farlan, a voice that sounded so bored it was comical. She’d sit with him during lectures, adding in a few sneaky remarks, like, _“please don’t take Western Civilization II next year, this is boring,”_ and would sometimes help him cheat during pop quizzes in math, _“it’s 78, you’re off by 4,”_ because no one could stop her.

P.E. was a breeze. He didn’t have to participate in the activities, just had fun sitting back and laughing when Farlan got hit during dodgeball. [3]

The only thing Levi actually minded, which he expected from a public school but still couldn’t seem to get over, was the bullying. They wouldn’t physically hurt him, Farlan made sure of that, but they all _talked_. Most didn’t even bother doing it behind his back; they said shit right in front of him. Girls would whisper to their friends and stifle giggles behind their hands. Guys would roll their eyes, make exaggerated faces and hand gestures. 

For the most part, he could brush it off with Farlan and Izzy’s half-ass attempts to cheer him up– their shenanigans were so bad his cheeks would hurt from smiling and swallowing laughter. He avoided thinking about what the kids were saying, so it was more irritating and annoying than anything. 

But when the news got around of his soulmate mark, it finally stung. He’d slouch further in his seat, huddle into the back corner of the cafeteria, pretend he didn’t see people looking at him. He wore long sleeves, even when heat waves flared in the middle of spring. He didn’t want anyone talking about him and the soulmate he hadn’t even met yet. It made his eyes prickle and chest heavy with feelings he wasn’t used to.

Every day, the three months before graduation, he put on a brave face (glaring eyes, creased brows, lips set in a thin line) and went through the motions during school, checking in to homeroom, copying notes off the blackboards, encouraging Izzy to steal cookies from the snack display in the cafeteria. 

When he went home, he’d stay up and wait for his mom to fall asleep, so he could stare at the razor blade he hid in a shoe box. He loathed the waves of self-pity that made him tremble and shake with silent tears, loathed the ache that split his chest into a hollow cavern. He loathed feeling broken. 

In the end, he never cut his skin, because after the self-pity came the guilt; he couldn’t add scars to the list of things that his soul mate would eventually have to deal with– being deaf was enough of a burden.

\----

After graduation, he spent the summer trying to learn how to speak. The motivation to be a better person, to not be a complete invalid, for his soulmate, kept him determined for a while. But eventually, the exhaustion and embarrassment overshadowed even Kuchel’s encouragement. It was more frustrating than he thought. The syllables tasted wrong passing through his lips and the way his tongue curled around the words was uncomfortable.

Eventually, Kenny ruffled his hair, taking the cigarette from his mouth so Levi could make out what he was saying.

“Levi. If this person really is your fucking soulmate they won’t fucking care if you can read them whatever bullshit they ask.”

It was like Kenny had taken a needle to the balloon of stress and self-hatred that Levi was carrying, popping it so the air released and Levi felt like he could breathe for the first time since his soulmark appeared.

“I hate that you’re right,” Kuched sighed, but she was smiling and Kenny took the moment to gloat.

“I’m always right.” He took a long drag before looking at Levi again. “But if they do care, put me in line, in front of blondie and pigtails, and I’ll show them where to shove their shit.”

\----

Hanji joined the I Won’t Hesitate To Fuck Someone Up list only two months after Levi moved in with her.[4] He only noticed when they went out for celebratory pancakes after surviving midterms, and Hanji accidentally-on-purpose stood up just as the waitress was coming to hand them their check. She bumped right into the girl and spilled a whole cup of chocolate milk on the girl’s white uniform. 

_“You know,”_ Hanji said, once they were outside, _“I think you’re rubbing off on me. So many people are starting to piss me off.”_

Levi rolled his eyes but bumped his shoulder into her side as they started walking away. He knew why she did it– the waitress was rude, but he couldn’t exactly find a way to say thank you. Instead, he said, _“It’s not our fault most people are fucking morons.”_

 _“That is an excellent observation,”_ she said, before locking an arm around Levi’s.

They played Minecraft all night, with the sound off so Hanji didn’t have the advantage of hearing the hiss of a creeper ready to destroy her house.

\----

A red Skittle hit the center of Levi’s forehead. He looked up, a scowl on his face. _“What?”_

_“Stop worrying.”_

_“I’m not worrying.”_

She gave him a pointed look, pushing a stack of papers across the table. He would never admit it, but he loved her for knowing what was going through his head with only a glance.

There was something therapeutic about clipping coupons from store circulars. He would save them all week so he could confidently make his way down the grocery aisles and feel accomplished once the receipt was in his hand.[5]

Eventually, he paused and she could see the anxiety he was trying to hide when he looked directly at her.

Hanji knew that he used to worry, Levi vaguely mentioned it a few times and Izzy confirmed how scared he used to be. He was afraid. A fear surfaced from self-loathing and doubt, darkened into an anxiety that kept whispering how he wasn’t good enough, how he was useless, a pathetic excuse of a soulmate because he was broken. That fear was long gone now, replaced by silly worries of—

 _“What if…”_ She waited for him to collect his thoughts, knowing his thoughts sometimes swarmed together until his head was a messy beehive of every worst-case-scenario. _“What if we meet and he says the words and I can’t hear him so I don’t know and we both move on and never realize? What if he leaves because I can’t read to him?”_

_“What if he taps your shoulder to get your attention and asks again? What if he thinks you’re being rude and picks a fight? Relax. Let fate work its magic, okay?”_

He grabbed the Skittle from where it landed on the floor and threw it back. _“Okay.”_

––––

Most people didn’t go grocery shopping on Saturday, and instead went out to restaurants, ordered pizza, or bought drinks at the local bars. Which was exactly why Levi saved his shopping for Saturday evenings. He could take his time, with no random strangers rushing around and stressing him out. Crowds were okay when he was with his friends, but on his own, he didn’t fare well. 

Levi was inspecting cans of peaches because Moblit was coming over the next day for brunch and promised to make them his famously intoxicating peach margaritas. [6] He went to grab one to inspect the label when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around and– 

Fuck, this kid was beautiful. He was taller than Levi, and lean, but his basketball shorts and flimsy t-shirt showed off toned legs and arms. He had brown hair that looked just a tad bit too styled to naturally be that perfectly messy, and bangs that were falling across his forehead. Wide, green eyes were staring directly at Levi, sparkling under the shitty store lighting. One hand was running across the nape of his neck while the other was outstretched, holding a can of cat food.

Licking his lips (Levi was doomed for– they looked soft and perfectly kissable) he said, “Hey, can you read this to me?” His cheeks dusted pink as he scuffed his shoe on the floor. “I kind of forget my glasses and I can’t see if that says kitten or not, 4 to 12 months.”

The world froze. Levi’s chest constricted, his blood searing as his face bloomed red from the heat. Butterflies fought their way up his throat and he tried to swallow them down with the rising bile that was threatening to escape him. Levi raised his hands, realizing he had been staring too long. He tapped his temple and chin, _“I’m deaf.”_

Confused, the kid blinked, once, twice, and Levi winced, motioning vaguely to his ears before the boy’s eyes widened.

“Oh! You can’t hear me.” Levi didn’t know who was blushing harder. “I’m sorry, don’t worry! I’ll go ask someone that works here.” He smiled and waved, awkwardly, before turning on his heels to go find an employee.

There was Levi’s soulmate, the person he agonized over meeting for years, walking away from him. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Somehow, Levi steeled himself, pulling courage from who the fuck knew where, and went after the kid. He managed to rip off his jacket and tug the sleeve of his shirt up before he got close. When he was within reach, he grabbed the boy’s wrist, biting his tongue as warmth flooded through him.

Startled, the kid turned to Levi in confusion and slight fear, but Levi lifted his arm so the boy could see the words that marked his skin. 

They stood there, both frozen, in the middle of the aisle, unaware of the time slowly passing. 

When the kid finally moved, he twisted his wrist out of Levi’s hold. Absently, he put the can of cat food on a nearby shelf, before he reached out. His fingers were soft as they brushed over Levi’s skin, the simple contact making his skin burn, spreading another wave of heat through his body with a shudder. He pulled back only to show Levi his own arms, both unmarred, unmarked, smooth and without words.

The kid’s hands shook as he took out his phone, typing with one hand as he rubbed his eyes with the back of the other.

> I thought I was broken I didn’t have words but it’s just cuz you can’t speak

Levi took the phone from him, his body feeling fuzzy as he replied. 

> You’re not broken. I’m sorry.

After quickly scanning over the reply, the kid pulled Levi into a bone-crushing hug, tucking his head into the crook of Levi’s neck. More fire tingled down his spine when the boy’s lips brushed along his skin, speaking words that Levi could only feel as a soft breath. 

It didn’t matter, he realized, his arms wrapping around the kid’s middle, he didn’t need to hear to know what he was saying.

–––––

They finished their grocery shopping together, handing the kid’s– _Eren’s_ phone back and forth, playing a makeshift 20 Questions, before Levi nudged them along so he didn’t miss his bus. 

Eren seemed hesitant to leave once they were standing outside.

“You sure you don’t want me to give you a ride?”

He quickly typed his reply in a text.

> I’m sure. My friend will be waiting at my stop and if I’m not there she’ll worry.

But Levi couldn’t blame him, he didn’t want to leave either. 

Without warning, Eren hugged him, his nose burying in Levi’s hair. They only pulled away when the bus stopped at the curb. 

Pulling his car keys out of his pocket, Eren said, “Text me when you get home then. So I know you’re safe. I’ll text you too. When I’m home, not while I’m driving. So you know that I got home safe. Too. I’m rambling, okay.” 

His face burned red when he leaned down to kiss Levi on the cheek, and Levi wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the white heat that spread through him, the contact making his toes curl. 

He leaned back before Levi could do anything, twirling the key ring around his finger. “Remember to text me!”

Levi nodded when Eren reluctantly turned away, and barely held in his laughter when Eren looked back twice to wave goodbye.

Once he was sitting on the bus, Levi pulled the collar of his shirt over his mouth, hiding his smile as he kept his eyes on the monitor to make sure he didn’t miss his stop.

But his mind wandered to all those old lessons from high school, the ones about soulmates, the myths on how it started, dumb cliches about stars splitting, about being born with a red thread tied to someone else. The textbooks always said how things seemed to click once you met your soulmate, that somehow everything became okay. Levi always thought it was the biggest load of bullshit, especially when he got his own words, fear and anxiety twisting inside him, making him doubtful of things ever being okay.

And yet, in those twenty minutes he spent with Eren, he realized things really were okay.

––––

As expected, Hanji was waiting at the stop. She lurched forward the second he stepped onto the sidewalk; apparently, the look on his face wasn’t going to go unnoticed. 

_“Why are you smiling? What happened? What did I miss?”_

Levi rolled his eyes, but his grin turned into laughter as she pouted, eyes pleading. 

_“Levi, tell me!”_

Just to torture her, he waited a moment longer, holding his hands still in the air before forming the words.

_“I met him.”_

They nearly toppled over when she threw her arms around him. She let go after a few seconds to ask, _“Should I be honored as the first to know, or did you already tell everyone else?”_

 _“No,”_ he shook his head. _“You’re the first. I was hoping to have him to myself for a few days before everyone suffocated him.”_

She gave him a cheeky grin. _“Don’t worry, I’ll only tell Moblit.”_

–––––

When he crawled into bed, twenty photos and two texts messages were waiting for him. Each photo was of Eren sitting on a couch, as one of his hands – though stiff and awkward – formed single letters. 

I M-I-G-H-T L–O–V–E Y–O–U A-L-R-E-A-D-Y

> I’m sorry if those are wrong
> 
> I had to google them

It felt unreal. Levi was a cranky, disabled 32-year-old, and his soulmate was a gorgeous 21-year-old with pretty eyes who was already trying to learn how to sign for him. 

Levi took a video, confident hands saying the words back to Eren.

–––––

Laundry was a never-ending task. Eren dirtied his clothes ridiculously fast, spilling oil paint and greasy turpentine all over his shirts and pants. Levi spent a majority of their first year living together trying to get Eren to save a few outfits just for painting while keeping some others for the everyday. But the attempts were futile because Eren forgot which shirts he was supposed to save for which occasion, so in the end, Levi decided it was easier to dedicate himself to doing laundry every day.

He was folding what had just come out of the dryer into neat piles when Fluffy jumped onto his lap. The cat stretched up, rubbing under Levi’s chin in a fuss for attention. He could feel her purring, a soft rumble that usually woke him up in the mornings, so he dropped the sock he was previously finding the match for, and scratched the top of her head.

Before he could change his mind, he let out a deep breath and said, “Will you marry me?”

Fluffy didn’t react, just kept purring and nudging into Levi’s hand. He always found it mildly encouraging, not having to worry what he sounded like because she didn’t care so long as he kept petting her. 

“How was that?” he asked, slow and careful.

She settled against his lap, curling into a tight ball, eyes blinking slowly as her purr deepened. 

He nodded, “I think so too.”

Eren chose that exact moment to walk out of the kitchen. His thick-framed glasses were smudged, hair ruffled from where he undoubtedly ran his hands through multiple times. Water was splattered across the front of his shirt, traces of sudsy soap still bubbling on his hands. There was a huge smear of blue paint still caked on his forearm that he had obviously missed while washing up. He was a mess, but an adorable mess that Levi loved a whole fucking lot.

“What was that?” he asked, wiping his hands on thighs of his sweatpants. The yellow paint that had yet to dry into the material smudged on one of his hands, which Eren squinted at for a moment, like he wasn’t sure where it had come from, before rubbing it off on his shirt. Levi held in a sigh. He liked that shirt.

Lifting his hands, he said, _“What?”_

 _“Just now,”_ Eren clarified, _“what did you say?”_

Levi ignored the obvious and answered, _“I think so too.”_

Shaking his head, Eren walked over, sitting next to him. _“Before that.”_

_“How was that.”_

_“No, no. Before that.”_ The little shit was smiling. “Will you…?”

A nervous pit dropped dark and heavy in Levi’s stomach. His cheeks flared with embarrassment, but Eren was looking at him so earnestly, eyes bright and hopeful.

“Will you… marry me?”

Eren licked his lips, his face lighting up with an irritatingly adorable grin. _“You know, technically that’s the first thing you’ve ever said to me.”_ Levi’s breath caught in his throat, but Eren continued, _“I mean, technically you’ve moaned a few times during sex, cute, needy little whines, but these are the first words. Actual words. And I‘m going to tattoo them on my arm because yes.”_

Levi swallowed hard. _“Yes?”_

Fluffy had just enough time to jump out of his lap before Eren surged forward, kissing him with an intensity that was not unlike their first kiss. His lips were desperate, tongue needy as it slipped into Levi’s mouth and pressed against his teeth, electric heat melting into Levi’s body when Eren’s hand slipped under the hem of Levi’s shirt to grip his side, tugging him impossibly closer. He felt sticky paint smudge on his skin, but it was easy to forget about because Eren was soon climbing into his lap, mouth greedy and devouring. Eren only pulled back to bury his face in Levi’s neck, breath panting and hot against his skin.

Levi didn’t have to hear to know what Eren was saying. He already knew the words, the answer.

“Yes.”

* * *

[1] It had taken Levi a while to figure out what the kid sitting next to him in his seventh-grade science class had scribbled on the margin of his notebook.  


**I can’t reab amd you can’t heor, let’s bc frienbs!**  


The taller had stared at Levi expectantly with a rough smile, one that was hesitant even though it showed no room for debate.  


Levi made sure his letters were smooth and defined when wrote in the space under Farlan’s sentence, **OK**.  


[2] “Mom didn’t have the money this month to get my ‘scripts filled, the new insurance didn’t kick in yet.”  


Huffing in a way that was still loving, Farlan teased, “Great. A whole month of you going off the fucking walls. I can’t wait.”  


Levi just reached across the lunch table to swap his water for her can of soda. _“You don’t need caffeine.”_  


That night Farlan slipped into a party at the frat house down the block and won eight games of poker. Levi collected the money he saved from helping his elderly neighbor clean her house and weed her garden every weekend. Ms. Magnolia cried and made them cookies.  


[3] Farlan made up for his complete lack of coordination in dodgeball when the class played baseball in the spring. He could strike all the batters out with his fast pitches and hit home runs almost every time he was up at the plate. One of the boys in the class, Eld, who also couldn’t participate because he had bad asthma, was nice to Levi. They’d sit in the dugout and pass a notebook back and forth, mostly talking shit about the rest of the guys in the class and guessing which ones were closet gays.  


[4] Hanji was a friend of a friend–– Levi was a student tutor for the Language Studies Department and Petra needed help in her ASL 210 class, and Petra knew Erwin from Calculus and Analytical Geometry, who knew Hanji from Social Psychology. The he-said-she-said telephone chain passed down that Hanji needed a roommate, so Izzy helped pack his stuff in boxes and they loaded it all into Farlan’s pick-up truck before Kuchel shooed him out of the house with a broom.  


[5] _“Did you know that OCD is nothing like the media portrays it?”_  


_“Why are you telling me this?”_  


Hanji slumped against him, the popcorn bowl almost falling to the floor as she tucked herself into him. He sighed but didn’t move her.  


_“Because we left the dirty dishes in the sink after dinner and you’ve been fidgeting all night. Because when you wash our laundry you don’t sort it into to just lights and darks, you do a load for every color. Because even though you wash every coffee cup after you use it, you still wash them again before you make us coffee in the mornings.”_  


When she paused to throw a blanket over them, he said, _“I’m not crazy.”_  


_“I spent ten years in med-school, I know you’re not crazy.”_ She smiled softly, then added, _“I’m really telling you all of this because I love you and because there is medication out there that will make it feel less like the world is going to explode.”_  


[6] Hanji met Moblit two years ago. He lived an hour away and had every intention of moving in once he finished getting his teaching certificate (switching from family forced pre-law just before the bar exams, to general education with a specialization in art.) But until he graduated, Hanji drove to his place every Wednesday and he visited every Sunday. Levi was spoiled with cocktails and a few good hours of alone time away from Hanji.  


**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering, Eren does get it tattooed on his wrist.
> 
> And in case you were wondering (part two), the soulmarks only show for the first time you meet your person. So, that's my quick fix, that isn't totally justified, to fill that plot hole.
> 
> If you want to know how to do the footnotes, message my tumblr @[I-Am-VeryBusy](https://i-am-verybusy.tumblr.com) <3 I'm not a coding person at all but I was Determined™ and tested this shit multiple times in a draft. It's easy, I promise. And footnotes are fun!!!!!!!!!! (I say, as I abuse them)


End file.
